Faster Tests, Postponed Olympics & States on Lockdown | The Daily Social Distancing Show

Faster Tests, Postponed Olympics & States on Lockdown | The Daily Social Distancing Show

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Let’s kick it off with some good news first.
The FDA has just approved a new coronavirus test
due to start shipping this week. And this test will dramatically
decrease the wait time for results, all right,
down from a few days to a mere 45 minutes. Which is no time at all. That’s just the time you take
to wash your hands if you’re doing it right. Also, as doctors
are treating more patients, they’re learning more
about the disease and ways that they can help
people self-diagnose earlier. For example,
doctors are now saying that a loss of smell or taste can be a symptom of coronavirus.
Completely true. Yeah. So if you thought your husband’s
chronic farting problem suddenly got better,
you in danger, girl. Is it just me, though, or
does it seem like the disease has more specific symptoms
every day? Right? ‘Cause first–
first they were like, “Okay, it’s flu-like symptoms”
then they said, “No, it is cough, but it’s a dry
cough” and now it’s like, “You lose your sense of smell.” Pretty soon it’s gonna be like,
“Apparently coronavirus “makes your right butt cheek
really large “and your left butt cheek
gets all lopsided and twitchy. “Then you got to go to
the hospital if that happens. “You’re gonna be falling
every time you sit down. Whoa, corona, whoa.” Oh, here’s some
really good news. For all those people
who are stressing about running out
of toilet paper, there’s a new online
toilet paper calculator that will help people figure out
how long your supply will last so that you-you can
stop hoarding. Yeah, because right now
some people have bought so much toilet paper they can probably
pass it down in their will. Just be like,
“And to my grandchildren, “I bequeath my fine collection “of Charmin Ultra Soft “that I bought
during the corona crisis “of 2020. (coughs)” So that’s the good news. The bad news is that
the coronavirus world tour is still in full swing. In India, Prime Minister Modi has ordered a 100 million people
under lock down. That’s right.
An entire bus in India is not allowed to move. And in Germany, Chancellor
Angela Merkel became the first European leader
to self-quarantine. And the country has banned
groups of more than two people from gathering, which is
really unfortunate for Germans, because you realize
it takes at least five people to get in or out of lederhosen. Like, leather pants are no joke.
You can’t do that alone. Now, the big international news
today is over in Japan, where the Summer Olympics look like they’re being
postponed until 2021. Yeah. They’re postponing
the Olympic Games. Meanwhile, Tom and Linda are going forward with
their game night as planned. Yeah, I thought
I’d gotten out of it, but now they want me
to “do it over Skype.” Unbelievable. How do you even
play game night over Skype? W-Which cards do you have?
That’s the point of the game. Got to show you my cards
so you know what cards have, and then I’m playing
with my cards at home… Just cancel, Tom and Linda!
Just cancel. But in I was Japan, I would have
still held the games even if all the other countries
dropped out, ’cause think about it– if everybody else is out, you win gold in every event. Although they also come last
in every event. Yeah, but still, I mean, you
just sing the national anthem and… for winners and… Either way,
I would have held the event. The other way to save the
Olympics is you can just do it over Zoom or Skype
like everything else right now, you know? Just have all the gymnasts doing
their thing in different places. They could all describe it
to each other. You know? Just be like, (American accent):
“Okay, hi, everybody, am I on? “Can you see me?
I’m gonna do… I’m gonna do a f…
a back flip right now.” (German accent):
“Sorry, what-what did you say? “I can’t hear you. You breaking
up, you’re breaking up. Did you-did you just say…
did you say ‘dog shit’? (American accent):
“No, I said back flip. I’m gonna do a back flip.” (Russian accent):
“Hey, guys, it’s Katerina here. I just got on. Is it my turn
to do force flip yet?” (American accent): “No, I…
It’s my… I’m doing the thi… You know what, let-let…” (normal accent):
Personally, I think they should just turn social distancing
into an Olympic sport. Yeah.
We can watch that. Have you watched people
these days? Huh? When they’re walking
down the street, going to the grocery store.
Every time someone gets within six feet of them, they’re
basically doing Olympic moves. (grunting) Now, despite coronavirus being one of the most
stressful situations the world has ever experienced, it has also given us moments of pure comedy gold. For instance, in Italy, despite being one of
the hardest-hit countries, with 60,000 confirmed cases,
some Italians are still going out, living their normal lives
and having fun. Which is not only irresponsible, it’s stressing
a lot of people out. Right? And so a lot of Italian mayors
and local leaders have started posting videos yelling at people
to go back home. Yo, I got to say,
I love how direct Italians are. Because in America,
mayors are like, “Please help
to flatten the curve “to limit your excursions
to only essential travel. Please, we know people aren’t
doing this. We need you.” And in Italy, they’re just like,
“Get the (bleep) inside. “I’ll knock your teeth in. “You don’t listen me.
Why you don’t listen? “I’m going to come there
and punch you in the face. “I’m going to…
going to break you. You’re mine,
and I’m going to break you.” Now, while leaders in Italy
are threatening to come and kick
their constituents’ ass, the residents of Spain seem to
be a little more well-behaved. And so, to reward the citizens
stuck at home, the police are driving around and performing
for people in the streets. (Policeman speaks Spanish) (people speak Spanish) (Policeman speaks Spanish) Uno, dos, tres. (singing lively song in Spanish,
rhythmic clapping) Oh. You see? That’s nice. That’s a really nice thing
for those police to do, and something that would never
work in the U.S.A. Can you imagine that? Police driving out,
jumping out of their cars, with instruments playing
for people? As soon
as black people start clapping, the cops would lose their shit,
and just be like, “And we’re here
to sing for you.” And black people
would be like, “Yay!” Be like, “Shots fired! Shots fired!
Shots fired!” Be like,
“Yo, man, I was clapping.” “Put your hands down!” “I can’t. They’re my hands, man! They’re my hands!” All right, so, that’s some of what’s going on
around the world. So let’s switch gears
and catch up on everything
over here in the U.S. Over the past few days, more high-profile people have
tested positive for coronavirus. Andy Cohen has coronavirus. Senator Rand Paul
has coronavirus. Even Harvey Weinstein,
who’s in prison, has tested positive
for coronavirus, which makes coronavirus
the first thing that’s come into contact
with Harvey Weinstein by choice. Now, because
Rand Paul tested positive, a number of senators
who came into contact with him quarantined themselves
out of precaution. And when Trump was asked
about one of those senators, he could barely contain
his glee. President Trump’s press briefing
yesterday started on notes of unity and strength,
but quickly turned to him appearing to mock
Senator Mitt Romney’s decision to self-isolate himself. MAN:
On top of Senator Paul, now four senators are
in isolation, and the rules say
that in order to vote -they have to be there.
-Who are they, please? -Who are they?
-Uh, Romney, Senator Lee. Senator Gardner,
Senator Rick Scott. Senator Gardner and…
Senator Rick Scott, also. Two of them were in contact
with him, -with Rand Paul.
-Rick is coming out. Uh, with the stimulus package
vote expected soon… -Romney’s in isolation?
-Yes. -Yes. -Gee, that’s too bad.
-Um… -Go ahead. -Uh, did I detect
sarcasm there… sir? -No. None whatsoever.
-Uh… Ooh! Goddamn! You know,
even if we all get wiped out, I feel like Trump’s pettiness
is gonna be the only thing that survives this pandemic. And, like, there’s no good time
for a president to be a dick, but what he did there
was a little… I mean, it was shitty, right? Mitt Romney’s in danger after being exposed
to the virus, right? And Mitt Romney’s wife,
Ann, has MS, so she’s at a higher risk
for complications. And I bet Trump didn’t even
think of this when he spoke. You know, because
he can’t imagine a husband and wife ever getting close
enough to expose one another. Now obviously,
it’s not just famous people testing positive
for coronavirus. Every day,
the number of infected people in America goes up by thousands. And because of that, hospitals
are now being overwhelmed. Doctors are running out
of vital supplies, like masks, gloves and gowns. And it’s gotten so desperate
that the CDC is telling doctors to just try
and use scarfs and bandanas. That’s really troubling…
for two reasons. One– doctors are obviously
gonna be at an increased risk of getting infected
by the virus. And two– every hospital
is gonna start looking like it’s being run
by the Crips and the Bloods. “Hey, man,
don’t you ever let me “catch you prescribing shit
in my ward, Cous. Now let me get that CT scan
on Miss Chewalsky.” So, now, the hospital equipment shortage
has gotten so dire that New York Governor
Andrew Cuomo announced that the state was forced to buy two million masks from overseas for about five times
their regular price. And even though some
mask manufacturers in America are ramping up production,
it’s not happening fast enough. It’s not happening fast enough for the doctors
who are on the front lines. And so, governors have been
pleading with President Trump to use
The Defense Production Act to force private companies
in America to produce all the supplies
hospitals desperately need. But Trump has refused
to use this law, implying
that it would turn America into Venezuela. Yeah. And while
he’s telling American governors to figure things out
for themselves, he also wrote a letter
to Kim Jung-un, offering to help North Korea
to fight the coronavirus. So at this point, I don’t know
what’s more unbelievable. That Donald Trump is worrying
about North Korea, or that he was able
to write an entire letter. Like, if you ask me, maybe that’s what doctors
in America need to do. They need to take two hours off and launch some missiles
into the Sea of Japan. Then, maybe Trump will be like, “Nice shot, guys.
Great missile launch. “Here are some masks. Game recognizes game.” So,
with many hospitals struggling and the federal government
not doing enough to solve the crisis,
everyone is trying their best to help out however they can. TV medical shows are donating
all of their supplies– their masks, their gloves,
their gowns– that they’ve been using
as props. This is a real thing
that is happening right now. TV shows,
TV doctor hospital shows are giving their props in. And I’m glad that they’re not
giving their doctors in. Those doctors are mad sexy. If you thought coronavirus
made it hard to breathe before, can you imagine being treated
by McDreamy? (wheezes loudly)
“Doctor?” “Are you okay?
Is something wrong? (wheezes) “Are those the symptoms?” (wheezes)
“No, it’s your eyes.” (wheezes)
“I can’t breathe.” Now, because the numbers of
people infected keep increasing, governors of nine states
have ordered their citizens into lockdown,
which means, right now, a hundred million Americans are
forced to stay at home. A hundred million people. That’s one-third
of the U.S. population, or one subway car in New York. And because
a hundred million people are forced to stay at home, the economy is on the brink
of an historic collapse. Over the weekend, an official with the Federal Reserve
predicted that the unemployment rate
could skyrocket all the way up to 30%. And to give you perspective,
that would be worse than any point
during the Great Depression. Yeah. So, to try and stop this
from happening, Congress has been working on a massive
$2 trillion stimulus, a $2 trillion stimulus package that would give people money
and keep businesses afloat. But negotiations between
Republicans and Democrats have been contentious,
and the main sticking point has been the Republicans
are proposing that a huge chunk
of the stimulus money would go into a slush fund controlled
by the Trump administration. Yeah. So, imagine that. Trump would have a ton of money
that he could control, and they wouldn’t even have
to tell the public who they gave the money to
for six months. Six months is a lot of time. Trump will be in Mexico
by that time living under an alias. Senor Trumpo. You realize Trump would
basically be able to choose which businesses
he wants to survive and which businesses he wants
to end up like his businesses. Basically, any company
that has publicly opposed Trump or makes vegetables
could get screwed. It’s over for them. The Jolly Green Giant
is gonna be out here selling his kidney
just to make ends meet. And while lawmakers
are haggling over funding and health-care professionals
are trying to keep people alive, many parents across the nation
are facing a struggle right now. And that struggle is being stuck at home
with their kids. So, earlier on,
I gave Desi Lydic a call to see how she’s handling
being a stuck-at-home mom. (ringing) -D-Desi, hey.
-Hi. -Oh, wow. So good
to see your face. -Trevor. How you doing? I mean, I’m-I’m…
I’m-I’m self-quarantined. I’m-I’m doing
what everyone else is doing. -How are you doing?
-Oh, I’m good. I’m so… I’m great. I’m… We’re-we’re..
We’re doing great, you know. Just a lot
of family bonding time. A lot of time together,
which is… -Right. -You know,
we don’t get that a lot, so I guess small silver lining
in this thing. You know,
so, so much time together. Just a lot of just being trapped
in a one-bedroom apartment with a small child
for two weeks. So it’s… it’s good. But for such a tight space,
I’m actually finding a lot of new places to cry in,
so that-that’s good. Oh, wow. Um… Well, I mean,
look on the bright side. At least you have people there. Like, I-I don’t have kids, so it’s just me alone at home. Like, I’m trying to find ways
to kill time. Like, yesterday, I put all my… I put all my T-shirts on
at the same time. Like, all of them.
That’s how lonely I am. Like, you have your family.
You can spend time with them. No, no, no, Trevor,
I would love… I would love
to be that lonely right now. See, when you have a kid,
you go into it thinking, “I’m gonna spend
an hour tops a day. Tops.” I’m spending 24 hours a day
with him. It’s a lot. Normally, he’d go to school. He’d come back
with a cute story. You know, some kid fell down
on the playground, and he laughed.
It was hilarious. All of his stories,
I already know. I’m in all the stories. I’m here to see it all. It’s the worst. Wow, okay. I mean, I hope… I hope he’s not hearing you
say any of this. But, like…
But, like, at school and… Go back in your room. No, just go back
in your room, buddy. Go back in your room. Make Mommy a drink. An old-fashioned. With the… Muddle it. You got to muddle it. Use all
that upper body strength. What? But, like,
other than making drinks, I’m… Are you… Are you also
teaching your kid at home? ‘Cause I know a lot of moms
and-and families have been saying
that homeschooling has been the hardest part
of this self-distancing process. Are you…
Are you homeschooling your kid? Yeah. Yeah, it’s going terribly. It’s-it’s horrible. I’m, like, expected to know
all of this stuff that I’ve forgotten about
long ago. Like, like,
do you even remember learning about the different types
of clouds? Yeah. Well, he-he came in,
and he was like, “Mommy, my favorite type
of cloud is a cumu… cumin… cuminim… cuminim.”
I-I don’t even know. -I don’t even know what the…
-Cumulonimbus? Yeah, yeah. That. I almost spanked him ’cause I thought
he was saying a dirty word. And then we’re supposed to go
over the capitals of states. You know the capital of Maine
is Augusta? Not the way it should be.
It should be Maine City. They should all be like that. Maine City. Alabama City. Colorado City. Capital of the United States should be America City. Shut up, Siri. Shut up. Shut up. So many voices. There are just so many.
It’s just incessant. Okay, but here’s the thing.
Like, I-I feel like… I feel like right now
you’re feeling it, but think on the bright side. Like, after this is done,
you’ll know all the clouds, and you’ll learn
about all the cities. Like, you’ll get
to learn the things that-that your son
is learning in school. So, like, it’s a win-win. No, but we’re not… No,
we’re not gonna do that anymore. -What?
-I’m not doing it anymore. No, I’m not gonna
homeschool anymore. Listen, none of this stuff
is gonna come in handy. I’m gonna teach him stuff
post-corona. He’s gonna know what it’s like
to live post-corona, right? Like how to MacGyver a mask out of his Teenage Mutant
Ninja Turtle underwear. That’s gonna come in handy. How to search for quarters
in the dirt? Valuable skill. How to cook a rat
with a magnifying glass. He’ll be glad I taught him that. Why are you eating rats? It’s, like, just gonna be, like,
a month or… Like… We don’t know, Trevor.
We don’t know. -(mouths)
-Yeah, but, I mean… Yeah, but I feel like…
I feel like the things you… I-I… Look, I hear you.
I just think those things you’re teaching him
are a little… I think it’s a little extreme. -That’s…
-No, he’ll thank me later. He’ll thank me later. -(timer beeps)
-What? I’m coming. And I’ll be right there. I… I got to go.
Sorry, recess is over. Oh, fun. What does…
what does he do for recess? I don’t know. Recess is for me. Bye. Okay, bye. Is that… is that vodka? What? Yeah. So, that was Desi Lydic,
everybody, who I think is raising Mad Max. Thank you so much for tuning in.
But before we go, if you want to help out during
this time, remember you can. We ask
that if you have anything, please go to NoKidHungry.org and donate to kids who get meals while their schools
are shut down. If you want to help feed kids
specifically in New York City, then go to CityHarvest.org and you can donate
whatever you’re able to. Stay safe out there
or stay safe in there, inside. And I’ll see you here tomorrow.

100 thoughts on “Faster Tests, Postponed Olympics & States on Lockdown | The Daily Social Distancing Show

  • BaconNMegs Post author

    FYI cloth masks will do nothing, if it can stick to your clothes it can stick to a mask! The only masks that are helpful are the dome shaped ones that form fit your face. Donโ€™t waste your time and money and look like a fool walking around, the only people who should wear cloth masks are those already infected to keep them from spreading it.

  • Joe Martinet Post author

    TP calculator really ?! LOL

  • Joe Martinet Post author

    Ya gotta love the Spanish!

  • Jackie Cameron Post author

    This is so weird with out an audience Trevor but i am laughing any ways๐Ÿ‘

  • b10rain Post author

    No Applause Button Trevor?

    This is his show in a nutshell. Cringe AF!

  • A. Brytney Reaves Post author

    you can't hear me, but i am laughing! lol all the Italian leaders are tuning into Mario and Luigi

  • yvonne savoy Post author

    I love how "video games" ๐ŸŽฎwas Playstation. Take that XBOX, the REAL king๐Ÿ‘‘ has been proven.

  • truepathtv Post author

    Thanks and enjoy
    https://youtu.be/Y11GymFuBA8

  • MorgaineRiddlePrince Post author

    6.38. Www. Sweet

  • MorgaineRiddlePrince Post author

    Lack of smell… our family farts rotten eggs so… farts or corona. Tough one.

  • A. Brytney Reaves Post author

    When are you going to be in movies Trevor?!?!?!?!?

  • Zara Evander Post author

    The calculator for toilet paper is genius.

  • zonescat Post author

    If you're that miserable spending more time with your child, you shouldn't have had one. Same tangent, if you're miserable spending more time with your partner, you shouldn't be with them.

    I feel so bad for all these cishet women with kids they were pressured to have and men that they actually dislike.

  • Keith Owens Post author

    I don't know Debbie. She was fun

  • Tony Parks Post author

    #schontell

  • PJN P Post author

    In a twist of fate, Corona grabbed Harvey Weinstein by the Pussy.

  • yvonne savoy Post author

    ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐ŸคฃHow am I supposed to teach him all the stuff I forgot.๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ I've never been more happy to have teenagers that would rather get Covid-19 4x's then sit in my face 24/7. Thanks #2020plague

  • Tony Parks Post author

    #praying

  • Tony Parks Post author

    Skype the Olympics genius pure genius

  • briezzy365 Post author

    Bring Planty Back!

  • Tony Parks Post author

    Portland Oregon lockdown

  • Tony Parks Post author

    #Portlandoregon

  • Michael Comer Post author

    I fucking need Tp!!!!

  • Douglas Klein Post author

    Desi – that was LOL so funny!!

  • Satoshimitsu Post author

    12:50 you mean 6 trillion! Fiat collapses due to hyperinflation soon! Digital currencies will be ushered in soon thanks to cash being potentially a virus carrier. I see cash becoming obsolete after this 4-5 yr recession we're in. #buybitcoin #byedollar

  • Dwaine Cana Post author

    Italian mayors must be ex mob bosses

  • Lynn Perry Post author

    I am no one, I know, but since you started this, you are totally back in the slot. It sounds like you are in the studio. Nicely done, Trevor Noah! Thank you! <3

  • Gulzat Matisakova Post author

    nice hoodie!

  • Tsunfish Post author

    My friend joked that the Italian guy yelling at a kid to go home and play Playstation is Segata Sanshiro reincarnated hahahah

  • Sukondis Awontym Post author

    Good stuff. Reminded me of when I caught Paulie Shore last show of a tour. The Weezle didnt show and I'm the only one laughing.

  • Mahmud Post author

    Hospitals ran out of masks and tanks are sitting idly in the desert crying where is war,where is war…

  • Q Monette Post author

    Do EVERYTHING ON::
    Websites and Mobile Apps

    [email protected] LIVE STREAM

    [email protected] Mobile App

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    MANY …FREE PHONE TEXT ,TALK ,VideoChats,Fotos Sharing
    @AppleStore mobile App
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  • gsolee Post author

    Trevor you're killing me with your jokes!!!!๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ’€๐Ÿ’€๐Ÿ’€

  • Gareth Hancock Post author

    I've heard that they maybe upgrading it from a pandemic to an epidemic

  • Saba Namourah Post author

    The world is more than the US. and Europe btw!

  • Ewoenam Anku Post author

    https://youtu.be/COb2R2HyovI

  • Rokshana Akter Post author

    like the jacket

  • peace_ dude Post author

    in my country there is no single case Somaliland God help whole world aman

  • sumilan guitar Post author

    Hey Trevor sir with your team can you find out why Indian PM Modi says 15000crore rupees kept aside for corona for Corona help.
    …….
    Modiji idea of 21 days isolation is good solution, but 15000 crore corona funds taken and we get no free masks and no free test, why 4500?
    Nation wants to know full calculated info
    I am still not getting any benefits
    Plz provide some exposure on this
    God bless with 1 million more subscribers

  • Deepa Singhal Post author

    Trevor is too good v/s his competitors. Trevor's standalone performance delivery is much better than John Oliver's who relies heavily on studio audience laughter to make it energetic and good, despite having good script, he speaks as he does in real life instead of a show. Kimmel seems bored with his job. Now when all comedian-hosts are posting their content from homes sans music and studio audience, Trevor Noah emerges as most consistent, he is 1 man entertainment studio with such variation in his performance delivery, outstanding. He doesnt need crutches of aided laughter or graphics or band. His experience of stand up shows put him a cut above the rest.

  • Obsidian Faith Post author

    Retribution is a bitch.

  • Sahil Sharma Post author

    Oh please. You should watch Indian police handling the situation. You will end up with better content for your video

  • Brad Calhoun Post author

    Foreal ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚ Baseball is that Sport doe!!

  • Jim Compton Post author

    I call it #DistantSocializing

  • Laurrn MW Post author

    I was about to say, "Well, Trevor, you must not have heard Gov. Cuomo talk." But then I remembered Cuomo is Italian too….yeah. that is what we are like. ๐Ÿคทโ€โ™€๏ธ ๐Ÿ‡ฎ๐Ÿ‡น ๐Ÿ“ข โค๏ธ#sorrynotsory

  • Daily Dao Post author

    Loss of smell is diagnostic of depression which has achieved pandemic levels long before Covid-19, making the likelyhood of misdiagnosis more prevalent and placing undue stress on the healthcare system.

  • Slovy Jake Post author

    It feels weird to not hear audiance

  • Saquib Kazi Post author

    Trevor bro
    News from India ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿป
    2nd largest population in the world Is in lockdown…
    n We R Celebrating…. yes we r lockdown… but at 5pm we get out on the road n celebrate our lockdown for the doctors working on the front line also clap for Modi Ji
    Modi Ji is next level in politics…

    You really need to check it out! ๐Ÿคฃ

    ๐Ÿ˜œ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿป

  • Clara J. Mc. HOFMANN Post author

    Here in luxembourg ๐Ÿ‡ฑ๐Ÿ‡บ population 600000.
    Canโ€™t even imagine the numbers going up by thousands

  • SAURABH KUMAR Post author

    Trevor…A slight correction here…From 25th March 2020 midnight the entire population of 1.3 billion Indian have been ordered to self quarantine themselves…Not sure they would fit in any bus or truck or even a spaceship…

  • Tao Stoic Post author

    In India police beat up people's ass for going out during lockdown.
    Literally.

  • Weird Tree Post author

    I just went through the five stages of grief in 5 seconds when I heard Trump didn't want to impose the defense act or how he has money to give out to business:
    Denial: no- ๐Ÿ˜ฆ
    Anger:๐Ÿ˜ก FXCKER-
    Bargaining: please anything but that- ๐Ÿ˜ญ
    Depression: I'm living in this world rn- ๐Ÿ˜ž
    Acceptance: why am I even surprised anymore? ๐Ÿ˜”

  • Mandie Stark Post author

    What award is that in the back?

  • Rui Pedro Silva Post author

    5:55 They act like that because in Italy health care collapsed to the point that medic chooses who lives and who dies. That's why! Because every fucking day about 800 people die, that's why! Amidst this crisis, I bet the US would put their army out and threaten to shoot everyone that did not comply with the quarantine.

  • DyslexicAnaboko Post author

    Not saying this to be a troll but because I think it matters. There is the tiniest smudge dead top center on your camera lense. Also something happened to your audio half way through got really quiet. Just feedback. Thanks for making the videos keeps me in my routine.

  • Sudipta Sarkar Post author

    Hey my fellow American brothers and friends, I am an Indian…
    Indian government has locked down the whole country…1.4 billion people are in their homes & locked down… No one can step outside of their house without permission from the officials… But we know this is very important…
    As of now in India 605 people are infected and 12 people have died…
    But we are hearing that in America 10000 Corona virus positive reports have been reported in last 24 hours… Is that true? That is very serious…God bless America, Italy, France, UK

  • SAURABH KUMAR Post author

    Humble request to increase your volume man๐Ÿ™…Its pretty difficult to hear it clearly without a earphone…

  • Yasmin KA Post author

    How to mcguiver a mask out of his tmnt underwear ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ

  • Leocamwi5 Campbell Post author

    Trevor why is Israel so quiet about the vaccine and why are they sending sympathy messages to the US

  • Angiel Stahley Post author

    lol ๐Ÿ˜‚ I think we lost out "Desi" lol

  • Gh0stNoName Post author

    No lie, the remote learning has been my biggest challenge with my child. The hardest part is not the actual remote school thing but rather having to do things that in school takes 5-6 teachers. I'm now the home room, art, gym teacher, my daughter receives speech, occupational AND emotional therapy so I have to assist with that. I WILL say this, I've learned to appreciate schools way more than ever. This isn't easy.

  • Inge Virginia Dijkhoff Post author

    Of course the symptoms are more specific because with time research reveals more

  • pรขris hehner Post author

    that killed me…….. raising mad max

  • ninapop821 Post author

    How the fuck the US is going to help another country in fighting the virus when we can't help ourselves!?

  • Binky D'Eath Post author

    Guessing Trevor doesn't have a problem with no audience because he had done loads of shows in front of non-american audiences and shows in other countries that don't have audiences.

  • Marie Poppins Post author

    The Desi bit was hilarious. "No recess is for me!". ๐Ÿ˜‚I just taught pilates online to my single mom client who's with her 4 year old daughter all day and yep it's real. She was putting dolls on her as she was trying to work her abs, pushing strollers over her mat,… But most of the hour was peaceful! And we thanked her daughter for that precious time for Mommy!

  • christy spencer Post author

    Omg I loved those Italian mayors

  • Amy Slayer Post author

    It feels so weird to not hear a the laughter of the audience in the background lol

  • asaso680 Post author

    My question is how does covid-19 even spread to North Korea, feels like it would be the last place to be infected.

  • Ivy Jin Post author

    You should see how Chinese officials yelled people to stay in their homes a month ago, it's so impressive and funny

  • claudine l sang Post author

    ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜…๐Ÿ˜Š

  • Kator Abaagu Post author

    16:04 Near slip-up ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

  • superdivemaster Post author

    https://youtu.be/RLrdyCohgKw

  • Anotherthez Post author

    Your sound volume is always too low

  • conner kilmer Post author

    That one guy said nothing about beating ass…..he said police with MOTHERFUCKING FLAMETHROWERS….I hope?!?! It was hyperbolic? That's some freaky mass sterilization bs!!!

  • bodoy euir Post author

    you and your team for making it work, and work so well!

  • Vendula Mareลกovรก Post author

    In Czech Republic practically everybody is sewing masks and hand them for free to those who need them(doctors, nurses,saleswoman in supermarkets, old people in nursing homes…) and it is mandatory to cover your face(mask/scarf…) in public(and the same as in Germany we can be outside only in group of 2). Why it is not mandatory to cover your faces in the USA? Why the public in the USA isnt hepling the fight by making the masks for those in need? Cotton masks can be reused(you can were them for 2 hours and than sterilise them by boiling them to 10-15 minutes). Just stay home(in most places you already have to…so use the time you have), learn how to sew and start making masks ๐Ÿ™‚

  • Sata Mukh Post author

    Italian mayors are legends . Love them ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

  • Ernesto Marcos Post author

    Cumulonimbus = cunnilingus? I guess that's what where the humidity comes from, lmao.

  • bruall847 Post author

    #bodycountpresident

  • Jio Bodega Post author

    Damn Noah flexing with the Stone Island hoodie ๐Ÿ˜ค๐Ÿ˜ค

  • Bee Emm Post author

    "Seรฑor Trumpo" ๐Ÿ˜‚ ๐Ÿ’€

  • jfarmer1us Post author

    Trevor Noah is a pandemic…..worthless piece of shit…..whom I have never laughed at for any endings on CBS this morning….your world in 90 seconds….ABSOLUTELY WORTHLESS, to employ, because not once, have I ever smiled or smirked, at anything he has ever said

  • jrg973 Post author

    Anyone notice the time delay between the reporters statement about Romney and Trump's reaction…The mans on a built in time delay…I had a goldfish like that once…and the cat ate him…Not that I'd let my cat eat Trump…I love my cat…<(O..O)>

  • Mary Marsella Post author

    This show gets better and better each day. Thank you, Trevor, for staying in the game.

  • Janna J Post author

    God please listen to my prayer ๐Ÿ™

  • Lorei Lazuli Post author

    Biden raped Tara Reade, expect this to be reported. I hope the Democrats will support her like they did Christine Blasey Ford.

  • David Castro-Acosta Post author

    Is Trevor using a green screen ?

  • LEO_ EM Post author

    1:59 1billion not 100million

  • Anele khoza Post author

    ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ’”This is sooo funny, but I feel so weird laughing alone๐Ÿ’”๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

  • I'm So Tanika Post author

    Trevor you play too much and I like it……lol

  • LaVida2 Post author

    i have figured out that i go through one mega cottonnelle roll every 3 days.

  • Sunil Post author

    Hilarious show in spite of no audience.

  • Mikko Sinervo Post author

    Trevor and Desi you are on fire! Loved this!

  • Clayton Derby Post author

    The only thing I am missing is the audience laughter, but for the rest…. this works perfectly until we get back to normal haha

  • Kendal Post author

    No Trevor, they are not doing the Olympics!! Just get over it.

  • Ben Sczublewski Post author

    classy background 0.o those must be the spaceships trevor came to earth in.

  • Pearl Polanski Post author

    Love those 2 dome lamps behind you, Noah. Could you please turn them on so we can see them glow?

  • one life Post author

    Social Distancing
    | OneLife
    #CoronavirusLockdown #CoronavirusOutbreak #COVID2019

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6BjAR_dxaxw

  • Johnnie Taylor Post author

    All they had to do is get the military's involved to lend out their gas masks problem solved for doctor's and nurses who are exposed directly until they can catch up on their manufacturing process

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